Showing posts with label torture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label torture. Show all posts

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I cannot go to school today . . .

When I was in grade school, we had a closed-circuit TV morning program that was broadcast from the library.  Somehow, I don't even remember why, I got the chance to read a poem during the program.  I was all excited because they let me pick any poem I wanted (and I got to be late to class).  I was going to share my poetry-reading skills with the world!  The other kids would watch and marvel at my knowledge of the written art.  They would point and say, "Hey, that's Lisa.  I never knew she could read poetry so well!" And after it was over, I would return to class, and my classmates would swarm me and ask for my autograph.

So which poem to choose?  It was a no-brainer.  I reached for old faithful, my copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends.  I made the perfect selection, I just knew it.  It really spoke to my audience and the issues important to them today: 

Sick
"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is . . . Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!" 

Well, my big moment was close at hand. I was sitting at a table off camera next to the "news desk." The girls who were reading the morning announcements said, "And now it's time for your weekly poem. Today's selection will be read by Lisa Di Trolio. What poem do you have for us today, Lisa?"

The camera creaked over to me.  It felt like a thousand eyes aimed directly at my head.  Sudden stage fright hit.  I went into survival mode.  The only way to get out of this was quickly and efficiently.  So I read the whole thing like this:

"SickbyShelSilversteinIcannotgotoschooltodaysaidlittlePeggyAnnMcKayIhavethemeaslesandthemumpsagasharashandpurplebumps . . .

Later I slinked back to class, hoping and praying that everyone had chosen that moment to go to the bathroom. 

Even later, for some reason they asked me to appear back on the morning show.  Maybe I was the only kid who read poems in that school?  It was a chance to redeem myself.  I took a few notes from the director and A.D. (i.e. a teacher who was volunteering and my mother who was the room mother that day).  I like to think that I redeemed myself, but honestly my mind has blocked it out. 

Mom, can you shed some light on this?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

No animals were harmed in the making of this poem.

There is a car outside my window that needs to be dealt with.  Whenever it gets turned on, it makes a horrible ear-piercing screech.  The sound doesn't end.  It goes on for ten minutes.  What is the driver doing?  Is he checking to see if the sound will go away?  It's not going away, sir!  I keep sitting here at my desk/dining room table waiting for the car to drive off and leave me and everyone in a five-block radius in peace.

It has been three weeks since I first heard the sound.  At first I thought maybe it was someone visiting our across-the-street neighbors, the ever popular alleged drug dealers.  Those lovable thugs, they get so many visitors.  I'm sure every neighborhood has its own variety.  Ours take themselves literally in every sense of the word.  They are content to blast music but not just any music.  If it's Sunday morning, they will blast Easy Like Sunday Morning.  On repeat.

Anyway, it wasn't them.  I know this because last week I ran to the window after a particularly long session of acoustic bombardment.  I was intent on discovering which car it was and . . . after that I'm not sure what my next step would have been.  My downstairs neighbor once confronted a woman a few houses down who was laying on her horn for a good 15 minutes.  This was because she was too lazy to get out of the car and ring the doorbell for her friend/boyfriend/kid/whatever.  They got into a pretty good fight that nearly came to blows but luckily didn't since my friend is a dude.  The moral of the story is, think twice before you pick a fight in da hood.  So I ran to the window just in time to see the offending vehicle pull away from the curb.  Aha! I thought.  I've got your number.

The next time that car started up, I was ready.  I feel it's necessary to give you some sense of what it sounded like:

Imagine a bird, perhaps a canary.
Singing its sweet little song,
it gets to the trilling of a particularly
complex arpeggio when
an evil child plucks the bird
right out of the cage, mid-note.
The child holds the bird
in such a way that it can only tweet
the same note
in terror
over and over and over again until
the sadistic youth
swaps the birdcage for an electric fan.
The bird is dropped in its new prison,
the fan turned on so that now
the bird is shrieking
two variations of the same note
back and forth, back and forth
while the fan blades batter
its poor little organ.
The evil child then extracts
a cricket
from the depths of his pocket.
The poor thing clearly
has been through the ringer,
but it's not over yet
because now
the devil child
feverishly rubs together the cricket's wings,
chirping faster, faster
as if making fire.*
The bird and the cricket,
trilling and chirping,
shrieking and burning.
That is what this car sounds like.

My roommate happened to be around when the car screamed to life.  "Why doesn't he get that flippin' car fixed?"  "I know," I said.  "Let's see if he drives away."  Five minutes . . . six minutes . . . seven minutes . . . "ARGGGGGGHHHHHH I WILL CALL TRIPLE A MYSELF IF IT WILL TOW YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE!"

We ran to the window.  There it was, rattling, heaving.  The hood was up.  The driver stood before it, trying to solve the puzzle.  He tinkered.  He got back into the car.  He shut it off.

"Huh," I said to my roommate.  "I guess he's aware of the problem."


*I do not condone the torture of animals.  Do NOT try this at home.