Assonation in our nation's capital.

I received an email from my dad this morning that read, "Can I be assonated?"  My first thought was, "assassinated?"  Is there a threat?  Is it real? Don't you have to be a public figure?  Maybe I should scroll down further. 

Then I gathered that my dad was sending me a tip for a blog entry based on the crazy incident he witnessed (though it did NOT involve assassination).  He works in D.C., and apparently a taxi cab crashed into the U.S. tax court right in front of him.  It just dove straight into the side of the building-- an enormous federal building, which is encased in granite.  Luckily no one was hurt, not even the driver.  Of course, this being near Capitol Hill, every fire engine, police car, and ambulance in the mid-Atlantic region clogged the street. 

Now, you might assume as I did that this would be news.  I searched high and low, hoping to find at the very least a picture.  No such luck.  Instead I wrote a news headline in the form of a haiku to pay tribute to the cab's flight of freedom (or protest against taxation):

Taxi cab no match
for granite face of justice:
tax court collects win.

Then I started to wonder if a lot of news headlines are secretly haiku and I just never noticed before.  (I was also a bit slow to admit defeat to spell check regarding the plural of haiku being haiku.)  This launched me on a search across the web to see if I could find any haiku headlines.  Sadly, I saw only one that fit the bill.  From the LA Times:

Obama rejects
criticism that he's been
too hard on Wall Street.

So then I got carried away (this is becoming a theme), this time to turn today's headlines into a form of Japanese poetry: 

Yom Kippur party
leads to random drug test fail:
Lohan back to jail?

Prop 19 splits state,
prompts law officer debate
for November vote.

Photo puts firemen
into hot water over
nude chili party.

Okay, I think I now understand why no reputable news sources incorporate haiku into their headlines.